Manny is Back - Sorta

Well, everybody's favorite guy out in left field, Manny, is back on a baseball field. So, let's take a look at what he said and what he really meant.

• When asked about steroids, "I don't want to talk about that," Ramirez told the AP. "I'm not talking about it anymore. I already said what I'm going to say." What Manny Meant: "I don't know what you're talking about. That was, like, a long time ago and I don't even remember what I had for lunch."
  
• "I'm here to do my rehab, you know ... get a couple at-bats and get back to the big league team." WMM: "My summer break is almost over! I'm so happy!"
• "Get a feel for my legs, how my legs are going to respond." WMM: "I like butterflies."
• "I haven't played like in 50 days, but I'm going to catch up slowly, day by day." WMM: That's actually what he meant.
  

Manny Blames His Doctor

Mr. Ramirez finally spoke. Well, not really. It was a statement released by the players union. We all know Manny didn't write this and he probably didn't participate in the writing. But, let's assume that he did, because that makes this blog funny.

• "Recently I saw a physician for a personal health issue." What Manny Meant: "I like baseball."
• "He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was OK to give me." WMM: "My doctor is super smart."
• "Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility." WMM: "It's not my fault, is it?"
• "I have been advised not to say anything more for now." WMM: "I've never been allowed to talk, so why are you surprised now?"
• "I do want to say one other thing; I've taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons." WMM: "Can I go now? I have to get ready for a game."
• "I want to apologize to Mr. McCourt, Mrs. McCourt, Mr. Torre, my teammates, the Dodger organization, and to the Dodger fans. LA is a special place to me and I know everybody is disappointed. So am I. I'm sorry about this whole situation. " WMM: "What? I'm on summer break? Sweet! For how long? How long is 50 games?"