Ed Schultz Needs Some Depends

Well, I'm just dredging up old quotes because some of them are so unbelievable and funny. Here's one of our favorite quote machines, Big Ed, from 11/26/08, or thereabouts. He was whining about the fact that conservative talk show hosts were invited to the White House by GW, while he wasn't.

• "And the progressive talkers, you know, we lefties with microphones, we were never invited to the White House. Never got a chance to even urinate on the yard. You know? None of that." What Big Ed Meant: "Just because I hate George Bush and have gone out of my way to show that I hate him doesn't mean that I don't have feelings. I, mean, come on! Just an invitation is all I wanted. It's probably a good thing, though. Had I been in the presence of such a brave and honest man, I would've soiled myself and pissed on his shoes."

Ed Schultz is Amazing

Big Ed is fast becoming a source so bountiful that an entire blog could be dedicated to dissecting his "brilliance". Anyway, here's the latest from a recent appearance on Morning Joe.

• When asked if he actually thought that Dick Cheney wants Americans to die for political gain, he responded thusly: "Absolutely. Absolutely." What Big Ed Meant: "Yes I believe it! Dick Cheney is plotting to kill them himself if he has to. He and Osama are ready to execute their second 9/11 attack very soon. I hate him!!"
• "I'm telling you what I think; I'm telling you what I believe. I got a lot of support when I said that on the Ed program, I got a lot of support overnight when I said it again." WBEM: "I owe all I am to my kook fringe fan-base. Both of my fans texted me and told me they thought it was a brilliant thing for me to say. The weasel in my pants, was indifferent, though."
• "I really believe, because I think it's all about the conservatives grabbing the power and keeping it. These folks hate. Just my opinion. I mean, I don't want to offend anybody." WBEM: "I'm just a nobody from North Dakota and I really don't know what I'm saying. The weasel in my pants tells me what to say."
  

Ed Wants Dick Dead

Big Ed is back in the news, this time for spreading the hate. Wait, that's always why he's in the news. Never mind. Anyway, he has his Dick Cheney voodoo doll out and the pins are flying fast.

• "He is an enemy of the country, in my opinion, Dick Cheney is, he is an enemy of the country. He's making it harder for those who are in power right now to protect the country. He's about the political divide. It just, I just think the guy's such a freakin' loser. You know, Lord, take him to the promised land, will you? See, I don't even wish the guy goes to hell, I just want to get him the hell out of here." What Big Ed Meant: "Die, Dick, die!!! Descend into hell where you can live with your father, Satan. Why don't these pins work? He must be part of the living dead! Oh, hell, he's coming for me! Mommy!!!!!"