Ed Wants Dick Dead

Big Ed is back in the news, this time for spreading the hate. Wait, that's always why he's in the news. Never mind. Anyway, he has his Dick Cheney voodoo doll out and the pins are flying fast.

• "He is an enemy of the country, in my opinion, Dick Cheney is, he is an enemy of the country. He's making it harder for those who are in power right now to protect the country. He's about the political divide. It just, I just think the guy's such a freakin' loser. You know, Lord, take him to the promised land, will you? See, I don't even wish the guy goes to hell, I just want to get him the hell out of here." What Big Ed Meant: "Die, Dick, die!!! Descend into hell where you can live with your father, Satan. Why don't these pins work? He must be part of the living dead! Oh, hell, he's coming for me! Mommy!!!!!"
  

Manny Blames His Doctor

Mr. Ramirez finally spoke. Well, not really. It was a statement released by the players union. We all know Manny didn't write this and he probably didn't participate in the writing. But, let's assume that he did, because that makes this blog funny.

• "Recently I saw a physician for a personal health issue." What Manny Meant: "I like baseball."
• "He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was OK to give me." WMM: "My doctor is super smart."
• "Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility." WMM: "It's not my fault, is it?"
• "I have been advised not to say anything more for now." WMM: "I've never been allowed to talk, so why are you surprised now?"
• "I do want to say one other thing; I've taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons." WMM: "Can I go now? I have to get ready for a game."
• "I want to apologize to Mr. McCourt, Mrs. McCourt, Mr. Torre, my teammates, the Dodger organization, and to the Dodger fans. LA is a special place to me and I know everybody is disappointed. So am I. I'm sorry about this whole situation. " WMM: "What? I'm on summer break? Sweet! For how long? How long is 50 games?"