The Humor Mill - Liberals Explained

I've been looking for a good example to explain to my kids what liberalism is. Well, I found it. Enjoy.



Snorf!!

Obama Doesn't Want a Crash

Well, Herr Obama is at it again. In response to questions about immigration, according to the Associated Press, he dropped this line: "It's very important for us to sequence these big initiatives in a way where they don't all just crash at the same time." The sad thing, this is probably what he meant to say. But, after further review, we've figured out the complete truth to what he meant. What Barry Meant: "Look. I'm tired of all the stupid questions about what I'm going to do. Being a deity is hard work and I have many things to do, including popping out of a birthday cake later on today. Yeah, I'm going to get amnesty pushed through, including expanding of the holes in our border. For crying out loud, I can only do so much at once. Unfortunately, the big things are starting to fall apart and I don't need another failure right now. Where is that Advil I asked for?"

Mr. Gates Goes to Jail, Sorta

Well, more details are out now. While most of it is pretty boring, we've pulled the best quotes from those involved and translated them for you. Enjoy!!

• When asked to come outside, Henry replied, "Why, because I'm a black man in America?" What Henry Gates Meant: "Hell no, I won't go outside! I ain't falling for that again. The last time a cracker like you asked me outside, he beat my black ass silly with a pillow case full of door knobs."
• When asked if there was anyone else in the house, Gates yelled a bunch of stuff, including that it wasn't anyone's business and the cop was racist. WHGM: "What, you don't think a black man can own a home like this? Only whitey can own a nice house? Is that it? What's that I smell? Pork? Pork? Yeah, that's it! Pork! You racist pig!
  
• Gates tells the cops that they don't know who's he's messing with. WHGM: "I'm a bad man!!"
• When asked multiple times to go outside to talk, he said, "I'll speak with your mama outside." WHGM: "Whatever, pork. I ain't going outside with whitey. Yo mama and I will talk, that's fo sho."
  

Al Gore Is Still Hot

Apparently, the home town of world famous alarmist Al Gore has been setting records for coolness, and not the hipness kind of cool. Three straight days of met or surpassed record lows. For those of you that are either unaware or from the Southern Hemisphere, it's July here and that means high temps. We don't have a direct quote from Al, but here's What Al Woulda Said: "Yeah, well, it appears that, due to the abundance of hot weather, a malfunction has been created in either all thermometers or in human ability to record numbers. Either way, my stash of cash is safe."

Henry Gates Gets Busted In His Own Crib

Well, it appears that electing a black man to be president didn't cure all of the issues that people of color have. Anyway, I'm sure this story will become more interesting, but the first quote from the esteemed Mr. Gates is a good start.

• "This is what happens to black men in America." What Henry Meant: "Damn crackers, coming up in my crib, arresting me just for 'breaking' into my own pad? I work at Harvard, man. HAR-VARD, yo!!! You don't know me? I ain't showing you ID. You just want my ID 'cause I'm black! Fight the power!!!"
  

Ed Schultz Needs Some Depends

Well, I'm just dredging up old quotes because some of them are so unbelievable and funny. Here's one of our favorite quote machines, Big Ed, from 11/26/08, or thereabouts. He was whining about the fact that conservative talk show hosts were invited to the White House by GW, while he wasn't.

• "And the progressive talkers, you know, we lefties with microphones, we were never invited to the White House. Never got a chance to even urinate on the yard. You know? None of that." What Big Ed Meant: "Just because I hate George Bush and have gone out of my way to show that I hate him doesn't mean that I don't have feelings. I, mean, come on! Just an invitation is all I wanted. It's probably a good thing, though. Had I been in the presence of such a brave and honest man, I would've soiled myself and pissed on his shoes."

Au Revoir, Sarah Palin

The lovely Sarah Palin has resigned from her post as governor in Alaska. Let's take a look at what she had to say about the decision. Well, she tends to say what she means, so reading between the lines isn't any fun in this case. Sorry.